Category Archives: communication

“Nǐ​ Hǎo” and “Chào Bạn”

attitude Breathing-Fragile-Life communication compassion conscientious-ness motivation never giving up! peace stress management

have

had

my

fair share

and

(unfair share)

of

challenges

in

(my) life…(mostly likely You:) Reader have had the same: fair/unfair challenges to face in life)

so

why

NOT??

escape

those

challenges (“say” by focusing positive attention…)

with

language

challenges (of choice)??

God has helped me thus far with (life) challenges…

so (in comparison)

what’s learning Chinese and Vietnamese??! (for a native English speaker like me;))

 

[just trying my “reasonable” not perfectionistic best…to expand my abilities to better communicate with fellow-breathing-fragile-life in my  local community and elsewhere.]

 

7/12/17 @ 12:09 p.m.

 

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A Mild Tongue

communication Joan Winifred kindness peace

A gentle tongue can break a bone.Prov. 25:15.

In my POV, the silent treatment is less effective than a mild tongue.  To effectuate positive change(s)…is ignoring the person and/or the problem (indefinitely) a mature course of action/non-action?! Gentle speech even when under provocation can have better results.

A mild* gentle answer turns away rage,

But a harsh* painful word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

(Sometimes, i analyze/wonder IF certain areas/aspects of my life/relationships would improve IF i was a better communicator?) Gentle and compassionate communication certainly contributes to PEACE!

We all contribute to (emotional) climate…may be the ultimate climate control is a mild tongue!:)

PEACE always Reader:)

i’ll contribute to the quiet/serenity and shut up now;)

6/2/17 @ 11:22 a.m.

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A Recent Public Conversation

communication family friends peace things i learned

(whith potential to help many? families/friends)…You:) Decide…

 

5/31/17 @ 2:52 p.m.

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drinking derision

attitude Breathing-Fragile-Life communication compassion conscientious-ness education forgiveness Fundamental Human Rights healing heart Joan Winifred lamentations of the heart pain respect

lapping it up??
or
laughing it up??

(what do you drink?..usually?…NOT a drinker!) but
OUCHYWAWA!!!

not afraid…what can man do to me? (throw sticks and stones, etc.)

(or not do to me)?

this aging-dying body/(yet growing-renewing-living mind)

this warm blooded (and warm hearted? so, i’ve been told)

be…ing…

believes in

bloodless surgery

figuratively and literally. (amazing what bloodless mind surgery can accomplish…opening minds to learn/live/change aka compassion education)

i

refuse.

i

don’t want blood (anybody’s) on my hands…or somebody’s/anybody’s precious-sacred-life-liquid running through my veins.

(how does that make me a murderer?…)

yet

that’s what i’ve been called vehemently/loudly!…because i refuse to accept blood. (but i don’t refuse the best possible/research/evidenced-based non-blood medical treatment) (no, i’m not sick…was asked hypotheticals)

usually…harsh words i don’t let stick…(you know: sticks and stones may break my bones, but names never hurt me…(too much))

i would shut up more or be more quiet..IF i really cared about how most people think of me/judge me…

for being a different thinker/doer/believer…

i’m not trying to defend myself…(just coping through writing this i guess)

not trying to call the fellow-fragile-life…a not nice name…just feel bad that this person…(a stranger to me really) thinks that…(comes to that conclusion)

it hit my compassion nerve!… for someone who “tries” (not saying succeeds)…the best i can..everyday to be as loving, compassionate and kind/forgiving…to not hurt/step on any fellow fragile life in any way…including what some call “pests” aka bugs…for me…being called a “murderer” cuts pretty deep: OUCH!! (i try hard “not to take” things personally..the good or the bad. Strive to keep emotional neutrality/balance.)

No, i will not donate blood nor transfuse..i just know/firmly believe there are healthier/better choices i can make to prolong life.  It’s a spiritual health choice first than a physical health choice second. (i wish, in that “brief” conversation, i was able to effectively explain why blood is too sacred, to me, to consume for any reason…i would rather die myself than take somebody’s precious blood.) It’s hard for some to understand that…i understand that. (May be ? for them blood is their only hope.)

What other man is like Job,Who drinks up derision like water? (Job 34:7)

commentary/highlights on this verse excerpted (w 06)

How was Job like a man “who drinks up derision like water”? In his distressed state, Job was inclined to take the ridicule of his three visitors as directed toward him, although they were really speaking against God. (Job 42:7) Thus, he was taking in derision like someone who drinks water with enjoyment.

(4/7/14@1:22a.m.)..p.s.oops, VERY tired..wrote/published this 4/5/16 early morning@1a.m…

p.p.s. double oopses!-lol:)..yes, today is May 5, 2016…right??..see what i mean about “trying”..;)

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Compassion Wear: a Smile? a T-shirt? Both?

Breathing-Fragile-Life communication Joan Winifred

SMILE:) & Hi! Hey! Hi–how’s it going?!…living life as a friendly/(outgoing most days) kinda person can be challenging (and/or risky, eh?) in the land of the unfriendly!

Is readily forthcoming with a (sincere) smile an aggressive act?? (i don’t think so.) Is it off-putting?! (i don’t think so.) What do You think?

Don’t get me wrong: to me: my culture/background/education: a smile or slight grin is “compassion” wear…never without it. Usually, it’s met with a “positive” response :)…(i’m just kinda open-minded for interaction/communication with fellow-fragile-life…most days.) To me, it’s sorta a “respectful”  brief acknowledgement of (a) precious life crossing my path.

my smiles don’t discriminate…fragile-life is fragile-life. (For some context please see: Hello, Bonjour, Aloha! and Partners Communicating: Commendation and Counsel Compassionately)

i get (understand)…communication culture is different everywhere…people are busy,…or fearful or lack trust of so-called strangers…or unhappy or too stressed to smile, etc.  (Just wondering: As a whole is society becoming so self-absorbed and/or lacking trust whatsoever that we cannot offer each other a small token of compassion in the form of a small smile?!)

How many people did You smile at today? (i might just do that social experiment and keep track one day..of responses, etc. & who readily smiles at me before i smile at them…goofy, yeah -lol…my kind of fun!)

When You think about it–what we wear…a smile or not…what message does it convey??

anyway, speaking of outer wear…recently from a distance saw in an after-school crowd walking toward me as i was heading in the opposite direction picking up my kids..a person/adult with a t-shirt with bold lettering/colors that read: “I AM a CHILD of the REAL KING!” (talk about messaging? self-branding? advertising? christian? whatever you wanna call it?;)

WOW!!:)…surely, this royal person “might” exhibit some royal “manners” and actually initiate a smile/and/or return a smile..at me?!-lol…alas, NO smile!..i guess, only the (so-called) real children of the real king…get a “real” t-shirt & this “real” person was not wearing that particular identification t-shirt that day.

Royals and Nons need some honey and smiles (aka compassion), huh?!:)

* honey:

The energy-giving property of honey is illustrated in the case of King Saul’s son Jonathan who, exhausted from battle, tasted some honey. Immediately his eyes “began to beam.” (1Sa 14:25-30) This energy food is listed among the provisions God supplied for his people in the wilderness. There, where few trees existed, the people were able to get honey to eat “out of a crag,” that is, from the honeycombs that the bees built in rocky places.—De 32:13.

IllustrativeUse. The curative properties of honey are compared to pleasant sayings and wisdom, not only because of its sweetness and fine taste but also because of its health-giving qualities. Pleasant sayings are healthful spiritually, just as honey is good for the physical body. The writer of Proverbs says: “Pleasant sayings are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and a healing to the bones.”—Pr 16:24; 24:13, 14. (excerpted: Honey, Honeycomb Insight Vol. 1)

(published 4/10/15 @9:51 p.m.)

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An Observation

communication compassion Joan Winifred peace

An Observation:  Have you noticed when somebody dies…people suddenly speak up and out about what they respected, loved or admired about the person? WHY can’t we tell the person these kinds of things “honestly” BEFORE death?

When the person is living and could benefit/be encouraged/be blessed by loving, kind words of commendation/appreciation…IS when freeness of speech is soooooooooo important!

Life is so fragile & fleeting…don’t know when any “last” conversation with anyone could occur…impels me to keep it positive & peaceful (pursue peace the best i am able).

Why is it? so hard to say: “I Respect You!” “I Love You!” …Yes, actions show our words, but the appropriate word(s) at the right time(s) is “OH HOW GOOD!” to know & hear!:)

NOW is the time to express it…love, forgiveness, compassion & peace…in our communications among the living. (Personally, i try my best to express my appreciation & love to fellow-fragile-life daily (to all).:) i would regret it IF anyone in/directly or directly/in my life (or around my life) didn’t know i loved or cared about/for them.

LIFE IS a PRECIOUS PRIVILEGE We Share…(at this moment in time together.)

The following is a/my favorite Hebrew Blessing:  (i wish for all fellow-fragile-life)

“May (Yahweh) Jehovah bless you and safeguard you. May Jehovah make his face shine upon you, and may he favor you. May Jehovah lift up his face toward you and grant you peace.”’

 

(Why just rest in peace when we can LIVE in PEACE! (with compassion action/communication)

LIVE IN PEACE NOW & FOREVER!:)

 

(published 2/27/15 @8:18 p.m.)

 

 

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Simply Communicating with Skillful Direction

communication compassion Joan Winifred

The book of Proverbs offers much to help all communicators: the quiet, the loud, the listeners and the talkers. Effective/compassionate communication is crucial to any/all “living” relationships. (Without compassionate communication, relationships die.)

For some further context, please read:

Compassion Communication Saves Relationships!

Compassion Communication: Parents & Children: Listening & Talking.

 Partners Communicating: Tactfully

Partners Communicating: Commendation and Counsel Compassionately

The thoughts (intentions) of a man’s heart are like deep waters, But the discerning man draws them out. (Proverb(s) 20:5)

Excerpt read: (my highlights)

If a wise and experienced person is not inclined to give unsolicited advice, we may have to draw him out to get his counsel. The situation is similar when we listen with love. It takes discernment to draw a person out. Asking questions helps, but we must be careful that our questions do not pry into private matters. It may be helpful to suggest that the one speaking start with matters he feels comfortable mentioning.

Excerpt: Art of Listening with Love

The ability to listen with love does not come naturally. However, it is an art that can be learned through effort and discipline. It certainly is a skill worth acquiring. Really listening when others speak is an expression of our love. It also contributes to our happiness. How wise it is, then, to cultivate the art of listening with love! Listening when someone is upset with us can be challenging, for our natural inclination is to defend ourselves.

“An answer, when mild, turns away rage,” says Proverbs 15:1. Kindly inviting the person to talk and then patiently listening as he expresses his grievance is one way to reply with mildness.

Heated arguments often consist of two people merely repeating what they have already said. Each one feels that the other individual is not listening. How good it would be if one of them would stop and really listen! Of course, it is important to exercise self-control and express oneself in a discreet and loving way. The Bible tells us: “The one keeping his lips in check is acting discreetly.”—Proverbs 10:19.

i like this proverb…(my highlights)

“A wise person will listen and take in more instruction, and a man of understanding is the one who acquires skillful direction.” (Prov. 1:5, 6)

In ancient times, traveling by sea was a challenge that required experience. It was an art usually learned at the feet of longtime sailors, perhaps a helmsman. (Acts 27:9-11) Many ancient paintings emphasize the importance of the helmsman’s role by portraying him as being larger than others. To venture out into the open sea, seafarers learned about stars, winds, and other points of reference. The Bible describes certain seamen as being “skilled,” using a term that can mean “wise.”—Ezek. 27:8; ftn.

Navigating life’s problems today can seem as arduous as going to sea in ancient times. What can help us?

The Hebrew term rendered “skillful direction” can describe the actions of the commander of an ancient ship. It implies the ability to guide and direct with skill. Skillful direction” is certainly needed in the family. Raising children is a long-term job, and the choices made in spiritual or material areas affect the future of all in the family. excerpt: Be Wise Seek Skillful Direction w 12 6/5

Thinking about skillful direction and the family: At my kids’ school…just about every week day, (when not absent/on school vaca–of course), we go to breakfast…1 of my daughter’s needs to be there early for a class starting at 8:30 a.m. and we arrive early enough to eat breakfast together and hang out with friends there. The girls like the breakfast offered, and hey, i don’t have to cook!;)(Like i have any cooking complaints: Hubby cooks for me/the kids everyday!) (We sorta have our own little breakfast club going.)

Who would think (?) You’d have such interesting/in-depth conversations at an elementary school cafeteria?! In actuality, it’s a joy to see and interact with my daughters and adorable kids and fellow parents at her school. It amazes me that hundreds of kids eat breakfast  at this school each day…a handful of parents or grandparents or other adults show up; we are in the minority. You never know what will come out of any kid’s mouth: they are honest talkers and questioners. It’s like they innocently drop these (potential) conversation bombs…and i try to do damage control (the best i can). It can be heartbreaking to hear of the challenges these young people face. (It’s a harsh reminder to us parents: to get our acts together–stop being selfish cause ultimately our kids suffer (short & long) from our stupid aka non-skillful/non-compassionate choices/direction.) How can kids be expected to succeed in school or life without any stable/consistent parental/home nurturing environment?! (That’s partly why i value life-long education: i don’t want my kids paying for my stupidity aka lack of “accurate” knowledge on any given topic…that could potentially directly or indirectly impact them negatively now or later.)

All i know is: when You really/respectfully listen to these kids (or anyone else)…and “attempt” to offer: a kind/compassionate word of encouragement/direction…You get lots of smiles, hugs and friends…at the cafeteria…or elsewhere!:)

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Straws & Sticks

attitude communication Joan Winifred kindness
straws & sticks??…
i’ve been studying…(what else is new joanie?..do that everyday;) well, i was at a morning educational workshop for parents at my girls’ school…on “Increasing Thinking Skills Through Higher Level Questions…
“Traditional thinking is all about “what is” — Future thinking will also need to be about “what can be”.~Edward de Bono
i like that thinking…of:  what can be…Be-ing?
Questions..i love them & (i don’t mind answering them)…or “attempting” to find satisfactory/logical/reasonable/makes sense…answers.
May be IF ? all of us asked more questions…higher level ?s…we would find higher level answers! Could that lead to higher level living?!
Today, i’ve been “thinking” yep!…i do that too;)…about justice. Read this:
for with the judgment you are judging, you will be judged, and with the measure that you are measuring out, they will measure out to you. 3 Why, then, do you look at the straw in your brother’s eye but do not notice the rafter in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Allow me to remove the straw from your eye,’ when look! a rafter is in your own eye? 5Hypocrite! First remove the rafter from your own eye, and then you will see clearly how to remove the straw from your brother’s eye.
(Matthew 7:1-5)
With a rafter in our eye… seeing is distorted/twisted/negative/critical/limited/limiting/unhealthy (insert any description you like)…as a parent, i’ve thought about: IF i see something negative/undesirable/offensive…in my kid’s behavior/speech, etc….i ask: did my kid learn that from me? what can i change/modify (about myself first) that could better exemplify a “positive” trait (e.g., kindness or compassion or forgiveness, industriousness, etc.) i would like to see displayed in my kid’s behavior/speech, etc..
Thinking about: “what can be” : healthy relationships w/everyone (including parents and kids):
Why should we not be quick to look for the faults in our fellow-fragile-life?
 How can our daily interactions benefit by removing the big stick from our own eye?
A rafter can be a support beam of wood…”A straw could be a small piece of grass. A rafter, on the other hand, is a bulky length of timber used to hold up the roof of a house.”
IF we choose to solely focus on the negative, aggravating, or offensive traits found in any one of us...relationships suffer/die…& who can carry a rafter or rafters (and continuously for a long length of time?)!
When we choose to focus on: the positive, good, wonderful traits found in any of us…relationships flourish/grow/live.
How can each of us keep our relationships/family/friends…alive & healthy? (Choosing straws?) everybody wins (at the game of compassion!) 🙂
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Random Ramblings: Tattoos

art attitude communication Joan Winifred

A burger?!

Yep, a burger on his calf. What?

a tattoo. A BIG burger with the fixings: cheese, lettuce, tomato, bacon, onion on his calf.

The guy must really love burgers, huh? 🙂

Okay, so the guy owns a burger joint and is a walking ad. (It struck me funny.)

I wear make-up…as an art/self expression…cause it’s fun/artistic and when I have to be somewhere (and dress up cause say I’m among a group where I have to (at least) look professional aka look like I know what I’m talking about -lol and/or be taken seriously…(non-clown) make-up/modest attire is a grooming option. I guess, everyone has their definition of putting your best foot or calf forward, eh?

“VANITY is the quicksand of reason,” wrote a French novelist.

I’m a living minority these days…and at my kids’ school…a parent sans tattoo…and a girl in a skirt (& at the knee). For me, I would NEVER! get a tattoo. Ink under the skin and a permanent self-branding/label/identification mark...no thanks! Though, I respect that Others choose to express themselves and their views via tattooing/grooming…their choice.

Tattooing with unsanitary needles has been associated with the spread of hepatitis and HIV. Skin disorders sometimes result from the dyes used. Piercings can take months to heal and can hurt for much of that time. They can also produce blood poisoning, hemorrhaging, blood clots, nerve damage, and serious infections. Additionally, some procedures are not easily reversed. For example, depending on the size and the color, a tattoo can take several expensive and painful laser sessions to remove. Piercings may leave lifelong scars. excerpted~Body Decoration the Need for Reasonableness-Awake! 2000

Dr. Robert Tomsick, an associate professor of dermatology, comments: “What you’re doing is breaking the skin and introducing pigmented material into the area. Even though the needle only goes in a little way, anytime you break the skin, you have a risk of bacterial or viral infection. I think [getting a tattoo] is generally a risky thing to do.” Dr. Tomsick continues: “Once pigment is in, even if there’s no infection, there’s always the chance of contact allergies, dermatitis and allergic reactions that can cause skin to get red, swollen, crusty and itchy.”~excerpted Should I Get a Tattoo? Awake! 2003

Just an observation: that some who choose to tattoo…can’t stop at one. Which caused me to wonder IF tattooing was a form (in some instances) of self-injury? Is it a form of communication? Advertising? Addiction?

Have You heard of the book: Bodies Under Siege by Dr. Amando Favazza?

 Favazza was the first person to classify self-mutilative (now more commonly called self-injurious) behaviors. Favazza’s classification divides self-harm behaviors into two major categories, namely Culturally Sanctioned and Deviant. The subtypes of the former are practices and rituals. Practices often are faddish and include tattoos and body piercing. (Wiki)

Check it out:

Certainly, reason has had little to do with many of the things humans have done to themselves for vanity’s sake over the centuries. For example, in an effort to have the tiniest waist possible, 19th-century women painfully corseted their abdomens until they could hardly breathe. Some claimed to have waists as tiny as 13 inches [325 mm]. Some women were so constricted by their corsets that their ribs were actually pushed into their livers, causing death.

While that fashion fad has mercifully died out, the vanity that produced it is as much in evidence today as it was then. Men and women still undergo difficult, even dangerous, procedures in order to alter their natural appearance.

While such decorations as piercings or tattoos may be popular […] needs to ask himself or herself, ‘What kind of a reaction would such a decoration provoke in the area where I live?

“All things are lawful for me; but not all things are advantageous.” Paul understood that his freedom […] did not give him license to do whatever he wanted without consideration for others. Love for others influenced his behavior. (Galatians 5:13) Keep “an eye, not in personal interest upon just your own matters,” he urged, “but also in personal interest upon those of the others.” (Philippians 2:4) His selfless viewpoint serves as an excellent example to any contemplating some form of body decoration. excerpted~Body Decoration the Need for Reasonableness-Awake! 2000

Consideration(s):

Dr. Robert Tomsick, an associate professor of dermatology, comments: “What you’re doing is breaking the skin and introducing pigmented material into the area. Even though the needle only goes in a little way, anytime you break the skin, you have a risk of bacterial or viral infection. I think [getting a tattoo] is generally a risky thing to do.” Dr. Tomsick continues: “Once pigment is in, even if there’s no infection, there’s always the chance of contact allergies, dermatitis and allergic reactions that can cause skin to get red, swollen, crusty and itchy.”

For me…“Attempting” to live love…means considering how: my dress/grooming/communication, etc. may or may not positively or negatively affect other fragile-life.  Actually, I have modified my dress/grooming…and when among other cultures to respectfully recognize their feelings/customs…for example: not wearing make-up, revealing shoulders or without scarf. Certain cultures take certain forms of grooming very seriously, eh? And IF You wish to respectfully communicate and learn from others…You need to be flexible…within reason.

IF the burger tattoo guy was trying to befriend/not offend vegans/vegetarians (or attract them as patrons to his restaurant)...would he openly show his burger tattoo?? or get one in the first place?

{Just had a memory pop into my head…as a very skinny little girl…a fav t-shirt i wore, all it said: “Where’s the Beef?” -LOL:)…it’s funny to me on multiple levels cause 1. this skinny kid wearing it 2. somebody gave it to me & 3. somebody took it away..(stole it off my back yard clothesline in my neighborhood).}

 

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Butter…FLY…ing!

Breathing-Fragile-Life communication compassion Joan Winifred music

Have You heard? (yeah)

it said: everything tastes better with butter.

(How about some salt?)

Have you seen/heard

a

delightful-fragile-life-performance of sound/sight?

Consider: Researchers at Ohio State University studying the Giant Blue Morpho butterfly (Morphodidius) found that although the insect’s wings look smooth to the naked eye, the surfaces are covered with minute overlapping scales that resemble tiles on a roof. Even tinier parallel grooves on the surface of these scales cause dirt or drops of water to roll off with ease. Engineers are seeking to copy the wings’ texture in order to make high-tech coatings for industry and medical equipment that are resistant to dirt and water.

Butterfly’s wing is another example of how science is trying to mimic the designs found in living things. “Nature is full of engineering marvels, from the micro to the macro scale, that have inspired mankind for centuries,” says researcher Bharat Bhushan. (excerpted: The Butterfly’s Wing: Was It Designed? Awake, 2014)

Who designed the flute? Who wrote the music? Who taught the flutist? Who taught the butterfly? (Who taught me?)

 Reference: NPR article: 4/09/16/348986742/watch-a-sweet-little-butterfly-nearly-crush-a-womans-hopes-and-dreams

International music competitions are full of nail-biting moments for young musicians seeking top prizes. But Japanese-born, Chicago-based flutist Yukie Ota encountered a peculiar distraction Monday in the first round of the hugely competitive Carl Nielsen International Flute Competition in Odense, Denmark, which draws flutists aged 13 to 29.

I asked Dr. Bob Robbins, curator of lepidoptera at the Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History in Washington, what the butterfly was doing there. Was it attracted by the lights? Something on her skin? Just the fluttery sound of her flute?

 “If you look closely at the video,” he says, “you can see the butterfly’s proboscis — its ‘tongue’ — out as it crawls across her forehead. It’s looking for her perspiration. And she’s under lights at a highfalutin competition. I’d be sweating a bit under that pressure.”

Sometimes butter…fly…ing is: simply: searching for salt.

(i am: worrying/hoping/praying all flies…butter and other…find their sweat/sweet!)

Beauty, music, love, life is not a competition…when it’s real.

Just keep it real…thanks.

(for any/some salt & context about salt: check out: Choking, Gagging, Regurgitating)

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