There are indeed some aspects of my being that seem surreal.
My single-minded spiritual-focus…is hyper and real!
My Children and Chato help me see my blind spots.
They describe me in ways i do not, cannot…comprehend fully…or “see” (from the outside in) or is it from the inside out…manifestations of myself that i want (probably want) to avoid..(mostly).
Chato laughingly informs me today i was/am a tease and was/am a heart~breaker…and oblivious to both. And i am documenting this because it is not everyday…the closesthumanonEarthtome (at the moment) says: “i have brought him Joy!”
This makes me cry! because He has suffered A LOT in this life!!…(not to minimize Any One else’s suffering and pain) (and may be ? more than He had to…in some ways because of me!!…being married to ‘me’ and all that entails) and when Anyone has a Loved One/Family Member who is chronically ill especially with Depression or Bipolar or Any Other Awful Ailment…it’s tough, at times, to endure patiently together. The person suffers in one way and then you, the so-called healthy one, suffer in a different way; tortured by their suffering and the terrible “seemingly” powerlessness to effectuate a permanent-positive change…when going through the rough patches.
The rough patches end. Humans endure. (Pain is temporary just like pleasure. The good times. The bad times. (Spirituality is my constant.)) It’s hard to assess (sometimes) accurately or to adequately (tangibly) evaluate ‘any’ impact on Another Life or how much help–‘loving’ and ‘caring’ and ‘trying’ your imperfect best to aid a fellow-sufferer really brings…it’s taken 28+ years to hear those unspoken ‘comforting’ words: “You’ve brought me Joy!”
Wow. …it’s about time-lol😉
Anyway, this selfish? rambling and documenting today…brings my mind here…any hope i possess is well-founded; well-researched, believable and livable! And the absolutely best parts of my Hope is Bible-based!🙂
(i’ve been a goofy-Bible-geek since childhood…and serious about “Truth” way before 12…cause at 12 dedicated my life to God; really!;)…HA! (no, am not a nun: i despise/hate all fake/false religion; i.e. Catholic religion (You know the Organized religion that helped put Hitler in Power; in case You forgot, etc.) No! i don’t hate Catholics nor Non-Bible Readers nor Other Religious People, nor Humans and etc. I Love Fellow-Life and “try” to daily demonstrate by making genuinely-compassionate decisions. You know decisions that don’t “intentionally” try to hurt Fellow-Life.) the Bible, it’s a book that does it for me; have spent countless hours throughout my life–everyday as far back as i can recall–reading and studying it: it’s a dive-deep into the treasure-abyss. i always surfaced with gold. Even a tiny-tidbit keeps me going though this life…just an imperfect girl conscious of her spiritual need for healthy-spiritual-food to keep my mind sane.
Wow, you’re still reading, thanks! Let me share something encouraging…a lot of us are coping with grief on some level…
3/14/19 @ 6:10 p.m.
p.s. NEVER GIVE UP!!
HANG IN THERE!!
HOPE!! IS REAL…so is God.